I believe that my truth needs to be clearly told due to Kael's vague and dishonest statement, which has been posted now on Craigslist and Myspace. When I read his statement I was appalled and sick to my stomach. I felt as if other peoples posts about the situation were solely about what happened between Kael and I, but his retort was a strange fusion of many different relationships he has previously had with other women. This was also jumbled up with all of the politics of the queer community's mixed responses after being informed of a sexual predator in their midst. As important as the politics that have been exposed in our tight-knit queer community in San Francisco are- the situation that initially sparked this fire was what happened between Kael and I: RAPE
This is the truth of why I pressed charges against Kael T. Block:
Kael was staying in my home as a guest of one of my roommates. I had moved in 1.5 months before. Kael has stated that he and I had an “established relationship,” which is not true; we never had an established sexual relationship at all. He is just trying to make it seem like what happened between us was just a miscommunication between lovers. We were NOT lovers and were never in love. The extent of our relationship was just seeing each other a few times a week when my roommates and I were all in the communal space, watching television, using the internet, smoking cigarettes, drinking beer, and eating each others' food. Kael and I never hung out outside of the house.
The deal with my house is that the roommates hang out in the communal area. I’ve never invited anyone into my room, and they’ve never invited me into theirs. My room mates and I cuddle on the couches, put arms around each other, hug each other, and I give them all goodnight pecks on their cheeks and foreheads when I retire for the night- that's just the type of person I am and that's just the type of 'family' we are. I live in what my queer community has playfully nicknamed, “The Tranny Frat House,” and my roommates are like my brothers.
The week my girlfriend and I broke up I was in an emotionally vulnerable state and Kael and I sat on the couch and watched Law & Order. We ended up kissing, which led to making out and then a brief sexual encounter that was interrupted shortly by one of my roommates walking in. We laughed it off for what it was: a mistake between acquaintances.
The next night I turned to Kael for relationship advice, which he gave me, as a friend. It seemed that the slip up between Kael and I the night before was just what it was, a slip up, and we hung out in the house like before, continuing to be part of the house 'family', with all roommates hanging out in the common area with no sexual interaction between Kael and I at all.
Late that Thursday night/ early Friday morning Kael raped me. I had gone to sleep at 12:30am, because I had to be up the next morning at 6:45 to get ready for work. I had a few beers that night and smoked a lot of cigarettes in the living room, before I retired for the night, alone to my bedroom. I crawled into bed and went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night to someone in my doorway behind my bed. I thought it was one of my roommates entering my room to get something off of my dresser, or returning something they had borrowed. I didn't pay attention to who it was and I rolled back over on the bed, on my left side, in the fetal position. I was awoken next by a startlingly cold liquid (which I now know was Lubricant) being smeared on my vagina, and my right leg apparently being held bent by someone's hand, because I couldn't move it. I was penetrated fast and hard in my vagina by a large synthetic cock that was strapped onto whomever was on top of me, putting their entire amount of weight on my hips, not letting me move my legs. I clearly asked, “What are you doing?” Then, I CLEARLY ASKED HIM TO STOP. I ASKED HIM TO STOP MORE THAN ONCE. I was not used to this sort of penetration. I had never been penetrated with a dildo, and hadn't even used a vibrator in over a year. I hadn't had any hetero sexual relations in almost 2 years. I WAS NOT ASKED IF THIS PENETRATION WAS OKAY WITH ME.
I was woken up from a deep sleep by Kael’s forceful entry. My eyes watered and I repeatedly said, "Please Stop." I attempted to put my hands on his shoulders but I found myself weak against his body weight and intent. I pushed on his shoulders, but he came closer and put his hand through my necklace, clenched his fist around it and pulled tight. The necklace was sort of like a piece of shoelace so it cut off my breath. I choked out again, "Please Stop," before my eyelids filled with color and my face felt cold. I had started to pass out and was possibly out for what seemed like a few seconds. He penetrated me once again and I remember my head kept hitting the wall behind me. I tried to twist my torso to the side to cut off his ability to penetrate me anymore, and I put my hand on the wall to protect my head. After about 5 minutes of the invasion of MY BODY Kael pulled out abruptly and got up and said casually, "Have a good day at work." I looked back at him leaving my room as saw him grab the bottle of lube from the floor and that he was wearing only the t-shirt he had been wearing earlier that night and a strap on dildo.
If what happened to me, telling Kael to stop but to no avail, begging him to stop but to only have him to continue with more force, having him enter my room with without my permission, but equipped with the sex toys to penetrate me, well then, if that isn’t rape I do not know what is.
I got up an hour and a half later and went to my job, visibly shaken up. I was online at work and I saw on Myspace that Kael had posted a bulletin about needing to find a place to stay for the months of August and September for him and his girlfriend. All I knew is that I wanted him out of the house as quickly as possible. The incident the night before was so fresh and confusing that I didn’t know what steps I was going to take or if I could talk to anyone about it (It was complicated by the fact that I didn’t want to hurt my ex who I was trying to work things out with, and was unsure she would understand the previous interaction with Kael) I responded to Kael’s post and the communication between us went as follows:
Me: Do you want me to repost this?
Kael: YES! THAT WOULD BE GREAT! (Youre not angry with me for rapping you?)
Me: rapping?
Kael: raping
Me: I asked you to stop and would have appreciated it if you had.
Kael: Oh Im sorry! Ill make you forgive me, promees.
I knew what he meant when he typed raping incorrectly, but my head was still very confused that the situation had actually even happened, from someone I had previously felt safe and comfortable with staying as a guest in my home. I forwarded Kael's message via Myspace in which he admitted to raping me to a couple of close friends of mine for advice. Later, I decided to also turn to one of my roommates for advice. I felt I needed to talk to someone for some sort of mental proof of what had happened to me. I asked the people I confided with to not make a big deal about it, because I didn’t know how I was going to handle it. Should I go to the cops? Should I call a hotline? Should I keep this quiet in fear of humiliation? All I knew is I was NOT OKAY with what happened. I wasn’t asked if it was what I wanted. I wasn’t asked for permission to enter my room and I most definitely was not in a comfortable friendship or relationship with Kael enough where he would know what I like or do not like without any sort of prior communication.
If I would have known that Kael had done this before, I would NOT have been okay with him staying in my house and THAT IS MY CHOICE. THIS IS MY HOME. THIS IS MY BODY. THESE ARE MY TERMS, and Kael raping me was NOT OKAY.
YOU, should have the right to make the decision to associate yourself with Kael on your terms as well. One reason I am making this statement is so you can have an educated decision, one that I was NOT given the opportunity to make.
I hope that all the women who have come forward, and all the women who do not feel comfortable coming forward- who have been raped, violated or assaulted by Kael, or another person seeks help. I hope that Kael seeks professional help as well.
-anonymous rape survivor
